This is not a poem.

Fall is approaching again. If you’ve read my blog through the seasons, you’ll know that I am in very strong opposition to fall. Other people get excited about apples and sweaters and pumpkin flavored everything, and I like to just kind of cross my arms and glare.

Perhaps I should try to withhold my judgments this year and make better memories. I do like sweaters. I don’t like school starting again or trees dying or losing people.

I have been without some of my dearest friends for over 23 days now. I am sad about it, because–well, I’ve already written about it. We grew close and loved Jesus and went on adventures. Adventures are my favorite, and my friend Fern is very good at instigating them.

Fern is a gem and made me realize that I’m not quite as introverted as I once thought. I am more introverted than extroverted, I think, but I really, really like being with people and doing things.

But as an introvert, or just as a quiet individual, sometimes I feel like I lean on my more outgoing friends too much. So when my dear Fern AND my dear Amanda left, I worried that I wouldn’t get to go on adventures and that I might lose half my friends, because, you know, if you’re not loud and entertaining, you have no worth as a person and no one will want to be around you ever.

I am learning not to listen to these voices, because they just don’t have a clue.

Anyway, I still have my Mennonite friends who are the best for adventures. Last night, we waded through a river looking for fish to chop up with machetes. Unfortunately, we only really found minnows, but then we floated down the river on a log, practiced our log rolling skills and made a water slide out of the steep, muddy embankment. It was probably one of my favorite nights of the summer.

So, things are good. The Lord is good. He has always provided for me and he always will.

I think he has changed my life a lot in the past year or so. I used to always feel like life could be a lot bigger and a lot more full. Now it feels a bit more that way, going on adventures and to Mennonite hymn sings and seeing all the beauty the Lord made in sunsets and fields and stars, in lambs and kittens and Amish riding their buggies down the road.

In the Gospel of John, John the Baptist says, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven.”

I am learning to see that everything I have is from God, and it is so much.

Also! I found this quote from Pope John Paul II which I felt explained my feelings on life pretty well. He says:

“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”

Basically, it’s Jesus that makes me want adventures and beauty and realness and fullness in life. I think that is lovely.

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